they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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