I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
