so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
