not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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