Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
