I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize