did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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