so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
