Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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