Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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