Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
