stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
