the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
