i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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