pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
