Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
