he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
