So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
