My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
