Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
