Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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