in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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