this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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