Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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