I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
