is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
