Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
