There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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