Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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