i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
