Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
