Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
