he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Randomize
