There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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