i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
