Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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