I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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