My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
