Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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