wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
