I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
