i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We got so high we made milksteak
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
