Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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