he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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