How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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