that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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