He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You need a sexual gate keeper
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
