I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
