She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
