I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
