When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
