Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
