My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just want nice things and good sex
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
