so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
