Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
