when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
