You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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