I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
