ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
