these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
