i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
