I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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