Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize