I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the day after is always just damage control
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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