before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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