Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
