Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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