Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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