***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
