i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
