we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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