she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
