My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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