Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
