I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
