Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
