get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
