gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You smell like stripper and shame
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
