I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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