i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize