I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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