I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize