He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
