Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
