i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
