he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize