Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pants are for mortals
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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