maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize