you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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