if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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