Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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