ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
