he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
