Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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