I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
