her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
