Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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